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30 June 2009 @ 06:44 pm
A little rant I need to get out  
Okay, so I really need to get this crap out. Feel free to comment if you wish, because honestly, right now I need love and support so bad. Something I am not getting at all. I have to sit here and listen to everyone else's crap, and then when I start talking about my problems or how much I'm hurting everyone just magically disappears. No one even seems to care.

So I love this boy. I love him a lot. But he's going into the army so he can pay for college to become a minister. He hasn't been accepted yet, but I already know he will, because I get these 'feelings' about things, and these feelings are never wrong. Anyways, I wouldn't mind this at all. Oh sure, not seeing him really at all 5 years, and not talking too much would suck, but I could deal with it, I could be fine. But then he goes and tells me if he gets accepted we can't be together. And not only that, but even though he's not going to Basic until November, he's going to break up with me whenever he gets accepted.

We have been together for about 2 and a half years. We have had our ups and down, but are very much in love. I am hurting so bad, and he says he honestly can't say how he'll feel in 5 years, but has promised to not try and stop loving me, and that he will tell me if he still loves me when he comes back. However, he also saw the need to tell me that if he felt like the love was starting to go away, he wouldn't hold onto it.

And he sits there and talks about his worries and fears all the time. Okay, I understand, it's harder for him than for me, but I NEVER get comforted, never have a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen to. And even though this whole army thing will be hard on him, the relationship thing seems to be affecting him more than it is me.

I just want so badly to be loved, you know? I mean, yes, he loves me, but it's like I'm replaceable. Like, he loves me, but if he lost me he'd shrug it off, move on, and find someone new. I just want to be loved to the fullest, and feel special. Although, maybe I'm not special at all. :/

I dunno. Sorry for that rant, everyone.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed